I was mentally preparing myself for the joy I had planned for last night once the boys were in bed. I was going to stamp, stamp, stamp. I haven’t stamped for a while and was looking forward to spending an evening creating, when it hit me. And it stayed with me. I’m sick. It started with the tightness in my stomach, and the dreadful knowledge that it wasn’t going to pretty. It was throw-up sick settling in. So I took care of it by laying on the couch trying to ignore what I knew would be the inevitable outcome, no matter how hard I tried to will it away.

I started to reminisce of my childhood, happier times to take my mind off of my nausea. I spent a good time of my childhood sharing a room with my Grandma Vicky. (my Mom’s Mom) I had a very special connection with my Grandma, even before she lived with us for a while. She was a young Grandma and thoroughly enjoyed being a Grandma to her three grandchildren. (me, my brother and my cousin) I was the only granddaughter, so often times I was spoiled, but I like to think of it as just being very well loved. 😉 My Grandma was one of those people who just radiated. She had had a hard life, and was probably the hardest worker I’ve ever known. All of my friends called her “Grandma” because even when she didn’t live with us, she would still frequent our home and help care for me and my brother while my parents were at work. She always lived close enough to walk to our house, I remember many walks from our home to one of the apartments she lived in. She didn’t drive, so we traveled by foot or bus. Sometimes my brother and I remember bus ride experiences and get a good laugh. You meet a lot of interesting people on the bus routes.

While my Grandma did have a hard life (a whole other story in and of itself) she had one constant – family. She was very dedicated to her family, we were her world. My Mom and my Grandma had a best-friend relationship and that was passed down to me. I have many fond memories of “cousin sleep overs” at my Grandma’s apartment. It was a tradition for us to all spend New Year’s together, no matter where she was living. My Grandma wasn’t just a Grandma, she was also a best-friend who knew me and how I was doing just by looking at my face. We would joke and play pranks, setting each other up for a good laugh. My Grandma had a good sense of humor. I have many pictures in my Memory Boxes of me and my Grandma trying to get the best of each other – shots of one of us sleeping or walking back into the bedroom with curlers in our hair and in our pjs. Back in the day when it was hilarious to wait for the roll of developed pictures to come back revealing our good joke.

I thoroughly enjoyed sharing a room with my Grandma. We would watch shows together in our room and laugh. We loved to watch the award shows and I remember one time when we were watching a music award show – probably the Grammys. Prince (I think he was still Prince back then) was performing wearing his yellow suit. When the performance was over, he turned very dramatically to leave the stage and reveal that his pants revealed a little TMI, showing his butt. I think we rolled on the floor for a good half hour after mine and my Grandma’s startled reaction to what we had just seen on TV.

Sometimes we drove my Grandma a little nuts, but that’s to be expected when you share a closeness that allows for irritation and love. One of the things that always amazed me about my Grandma was that she could tell how I was feeling in an instant and was a comfort to me when I needed it. When I was sick she would set up a TV tray and keep fresh, ice cold 7up with a bendy straw and a plate of crackers close by. She’d put in my favorite “feel good” movie (The Princess Bride) for me to watch and cover me up with my favorite kitty blanket that I still have to this day. She’d often bring me a damp washcloth to cool my forehead and would check on me, waiting for me to fall asleep and feel better.

It’s during these times that I miss her the most and remember her for the loving Grandma she was. She was gone too soon, so I am glad she was a young Grandma whom I was able to share many years with before she was claimed by a final bout of cancer. She lived by a strong will and was able to see her Great-Grandson before passing. When Perrin was less than a month old, I went to Texas (where she lived for the last few months of her life with my Uncle and Aunt) so that she could hold him and meet him here on Earth.

It is also memories like this that remind me of the blessing I have in my Mother and for the good example she had in my Grandmother of how loving a relationship one can have with their Mom and Grandma. Because of the relationship my Mom and Grandma had, today I have a best-friend relationship with my Mom and she has a wonderful relationship with my boys as a Grandma.

So, even when I’m sick, I realize that I a blessed. Even if it ends with me hovering over the toilet, chanting words of encouragement to myself (“it’s okay” “you’re alright”) for a good ten minutes before ending the night in a not-so-pleasant way. I have the memories of my Grandma to help take my mind to a happier time.